Shruti

******

The height gap between me and the floor was cavernous. Probably fifty or sixty feet was the distance. I was standing at the edge of the broad fencing on the terrace of the hospital. Dr. Rita might have admitted me in, but when I opened my eyes, I found no one there. My mind was jammed and I could understand nothing, so I aimlessly headed to where my feet took me. Eventually, I landed up at the edge of the horizon where life and death meet. The wind had a great speed too that swooped around me. One hard blow of it and my body would kiss the ground, but it seemed the wind was playing a game with me. I closed my eyes and let the winds wrap me in the blanket of its havoc.

I wanted clarity over chaos, peace over numbness. And the only way I could achieve it is when I would let my mind wander over to the tragic history of my existence. So, I let it do that. I let my mind go over the terrible pain once again so that I could see things clearly and straight.

My mother, Naina Saxena, died when I was a small girl. I did not remember anything, neither being held by her, not even whether I cried or not when she hugged death and left us all. I had no clue how she even died, even when the world was aware. Dad and my elder brother Rajveer Bhaiya never let me ask anyone or even told me about it. All they informed me was that my memories got locked somewhere when Mom left us. I could not cope with her death and forgot everything, even her existence, and her identity. All I remembered was her as a woman with an alluring smile who appeared in my dreams once in a while. I was affected by her death so awfully that I chose not to remember the tragedy and even the person who gave birth to me.

So unfair to the woman who endured nine months of pain because of me, who loved me and my brother a lot. I always cursed myself and held myself culpable for locking those memories away.

My father, Ravi Saxena, was a great man. He was someone with a kind heart and was too innocent for the evil world. His kindness was one of the prime reasons for our family's destruction. Dad loved me and Bhaiya, more than anything else in the world. For him, not even his work was important when it came to us. He would leave important meetings just to spend some time with both of us siblings. It did not sound practical, but his love for us was different and pure. However, death snatched him away just like my Mom.

Dad had a friend, his colleague whom he trusted a lot, Alex Walter, who ended up killing my father. It was not tough for Alex to get my and Bhaiya's custody along with the entire business Dad had laboriously established, given the fact Alex was a mafia gang leader. He raised us to be brats, evils who would snatch others' happiness. Not only he lied to us about our father's death, he even manipulated us against Mahesh Kapoor and Naveen Khanna, two prominent names of the business world. He lied to us about how Naveen Khanna was involved in our father's death and how, because of Mahesh Kapoor, Alex's daughter died. Growing up, Bhaiya and I hated both of them and their families.

Though Mahesh Kapoor and his wife were already dead so we thought of taking vengeance on Naveen Khanna. Bhaiya did everything to destroy Namit, Naveen Khanna's son, but he failed every time. On the other hand, Namit's resilience infatuated me towards him and I made up my mind to have him either by hook or by crook. While trying to hurt Namit, Bhaiya found his love, Dhriti. She became Bhaiya's pawn and that move he played separated the two. The result came into my favour because then I could have Namit all to myself.

Bhaiya hurt Dhriti tragically and the rift he created between both Namit and Dhriti had a greater impact, such that Namit started walking on a self-destructive path. During that period, I tried to woo Namit, but he didn't even know I existed. He was deeply in love with Dhriti, even after all those years, and was in pain. He still loves her more than his life. When I found out Dhriti was none other than Mahesh Kapoor's daughter and was in hiding all the years, my hate for her escalated. I could not tolerate how she was happy and receiving all the joy of life while my brother and I were still suffering. However, I was too blind in revenge to see the truth, to see that Dhriti was one pure soul who had a heart of a diamond. She does not just shine; she illuminates the life of everybody who is moving towards darkness.

It was already too late when Bhaiya and I learned the truth about Alex and his deception. Mahesh Kapoor was never the reason for Alex's daughter's death. She died because of Alex only. Also, Naveen Khanna had nothing to do with my father's suicide. My father never killed himself because of Naveen Khanna as per the lie fed to us by Alex. Alex killed dad because he had found out about Alex being a mafia and about his illegal activities.

Because of Alex's personal vendetta, he destroyed several lives.

Following that, Bhaiya was imprisoned, and Alex was kept in a special cell designed for dangerous criminals like him that were located outside of the city. Alex's life was doomed. After all, his sins were uncountable and unforgivable. However, the pain of betrayal by Alex was deeply etched in my system and I knew the scar of it would remain with me forever. After the truth revelation, I supported Dhriti and Namit and asked for forgiveness. Surprisingly, Dhriti forgave me, as if what I put her through was nothing and did not matter. She accepted me as a part of her family, as her best friend, and as her sister. She loves me, but the truth is I love her more. I love her more than my own brother, more than anyone. I soon concluded that my feelings for Namit were solely the outcome of my obsession with getting revenge. I spent far too much time researching him, which is how the infatuation developed.

For a greater part of the world, I am a sly, egotistical woman, a woman who only thinks about herself and steps on others for success. For most people, I am a woman who doesn't care. That's not the truth, though. I do care. And the person I care for the most is Dhriti Kapoor Khanna.

Life was eventually getting back on track for me, not easily, not rapidly but slowly and a little arduously, but I was getting there. I was handling my father's company, which Bhaiya and Alex used to handle before and I even got a family. When Alex's truth came out, one of Namit's friends found my mother's brother Shiv Uncle, who Alex had tried to kill, but he was saved by Dhriti's grandfather, Dharmesh Kapoor. After Shiv Uncle moved to London with his family, we started living together and he accepted me as a member of his family.

I believed that I had everything—my family and everything I had ever desired. But I was so naïve and desperate that I almost failed to see the bigger picture. I was so needy for a family's affection, which I had been denied for years, that I was oblivious to the danger signs. At first, everything was great, but then the man I regarded as my uncle started to infiltrate the organization's members' minds. My business, the legacy that my father left behind, was quickly taken from me. And the two people that assisted him were Linda, my secretary—the only person in the entire company I had faith in—and Justin Rodriguez, an old friend of my father's.

I still did not give up, though. How could I when I was living for Dad's dream for people to recognize the company he had given his blood, sweat, and tears to?

So, I took some months' time and planned for revenge. I found dirty little secrets about Justin and Linda, enough for me to have everything back. However, the sudden arrival of cops when I confronted the two meddled in my way, and then at the club that same night, I met Gunther, who used to work for Alex. That was all I recalled. I did not remember what happened later.

I was aware that I had sex. I lost my virginity that night, so there was no way I could have remained unaware. But I couldn't recall who it was with. As if that part of memory was locked, too. Anyway, all I knew was it was a one-night stand. There was no way it was Gunther, that I was certain of because I remembered him leaving the club after we had a little chat.

And now, with the revenge on my mind and a baby in my womb, I was lost with no guidance.

I opened my eyes and my thoughts were still not decluttered, but I eventually had come to one conclusion that I would not give up. No matter how terrifying things seemed, giving up was never in my vocabulary.

I wanted to be up there for a little more time in silence. But the quiet got disrupted by the voice of one person I was not expecting to be there.

"What are you doing?"

As I turned my head a little, I saw my distressed best friend, along with her worried husband.

"Sama, easy, okay? You need to calm down first." Namit tried calming Dhriti, who looked more troubled than me.

"Get your ass down." She yelled. I shook my head. I still wanted to be there, to feel the havoc of the winds. I was yet to challenge it.

"Fine. If you are gonna jump, then I will follow." She was a woman of her words and in no time, she stood on the same railing as me.

"Get down, Sama." If Namit was scared before, he was spooked now. Namit was unconditionally in love with Dhriti. He almost went pale with that single step. But he had got her. He was holding her hand in no time.

"I am not gonna jump." I tried placating her because she was the one freaking out and not me.

"Then what are you doing here? Waiting for a plane?" She could act like an exceptional mother even when she was scared of having a child of her own. She was back on the terrace, standing alongside Namit, and extended her hand to me.

"Give me your hand." There was no point in defying her, so I held her hand and she pulled me. My left foot lost balance and I stumbled, resulting me to fall on the floor. Fortunately, I did not hurt myself and unconsciously my hand covered my abdomen. That was a reflex, but my heart almost leaped out of my mouth. Dhriti sat down beside me and pulled me into a hug. The moment I felt her comforting me, I burst into tears.

I did not just weep; I wailed.

"I am... I am... scared."

"I am so scared... so scared"

My body shook like a dying leaf as I hugged her tighter.

"It will be fine. Everything will get better." She sniffled as she caressed my hair.

"Shh... I am here. We will figure everything out together."

******

"Tell me the name."

"You need to speak up, Shruti."

Namit was pacing in the hospital room I was admitted in while he enquired me about the father of the child I was carrying. He was enraged, but Dhriti was quiet. She was sitting on my bed, only holding my hand. The doctor and the other medical staff were gone after a quick check-up and ensuring both Namit and Dhriti that I was fine. The Khanna couple gave them all a hard time, though, for not taking good care of me.

"Did anyone..." While raking his hair, Namit paused.

"Did anyone force..." Before he could finish, Dhriti interjected, "Namit, leave us alone."

He was not ready to, but one quiet and calm look from her and there was a sigh of defeat from him. He left us after he told us he would go to see the doctor once again.

Dhriti stood up and started unboxing the carton box of juice kept on the bureau beside the bed.

"What would you like? Apple juice? Orange juice?" 

I opened my mouth to ask her to get me a cup of Iced Latte but she beat me at it as she glared and instantly said, "No Iced Latte."

She opened the box, took out a bottle of orange juice, and handed it to me.

"Here, drink this."

She sat next to me once more and gently grabbed my left wrist, being careful not to touch the cannula that had been inserted into my vein.

"So you are gonna tell me now? Or do you want me to kill someone for you to speak up?" I took a sip of orange juice before I told her everything about my revenge plan, the things I remembered and those which I forgot.

"You are not trying to hide something from me? Are you?"

I shook my head in denial again as I said, "I seriously don't remember, Dhri. It's troubling that I don't remember why I even slept with someone." She wiped the lone tear that escaped my left eye.

"You are not an alcoholic. I am certain somebody..." She stopped as if something struck her mind.

"Did Gunther..."

I intervened in the middle by saying, "I am sure that he left. It was not him." She fell silent suddenly, and I began to look out of the window. The weather in the city had been deteriorating for the past few days. I loved spring, but the clouds did not let spring flourish like every other year.

"Could it be... could it be possible it was HIM?" My heartbeat quickened its pace when the quietness was hampered by Dhriti's mention of him. We had not talked about that person in the past six months. Not only that, I had even made sure to avoid any kind of news related to him, and now his sudden mention almost knocked me out of my senses and had my breath hitched. That much control that person held over, even after everything that happened between us.

"You promised we won't talk about that person." I could not dare to look at her. Because I knew my expression would compel her to mention him more and more, and that was the last thing I wanted.

"Sorry."

"Whatever you decide, I will support you. No matter what your decision will be, I will always be by your side." I smiled faintly. She did not have to say it because I knew that no matter what, she would always stand by my side. But I was still scared.

******

"I hate him. Sometimes, I feel like gouging his eyes out." I smiled as I heard Dhriti cursing Warner Huntington for breaking Elle's heart. We were both in my hospital bed and were watching Legally Blonde, my favorite movie of all time. She was tapping my head gently, which was on her shoulder. Listening to her rant, which was significantly better than a lullaby, I eventually began drifting to sleep, keeping my worries aside. I presumed that the worst might have been over. How imbecile of me to even think that? The worst was yet to knock on my doorstep such that I would lose all of what little I had left with me.