Shruti

******

Anxiety was never my thing. When was the last time I felt anxious? I couldn't even remember. I wouldn't be anxious at all, not even in the dire circumstances or tornadoes life would throw me in. Yes, I had been lost before, but being anxious or fretting over something had never been in the picture until I received those deadly reports a day before. While I waited for the doctor, I started tapping my finger on the table. The only person who could save me from my agony was her. She was someone I had known for years. Sadly, I had to rely on someone else to solve my own issue. The ruby folder and the nameplate with Dr. Rita Williams's engraving were both on the table directly in front of me. I only needed to turn the pages of the reports and check. All it would take for me to get the answer is a few pages turns. That's all it would take, though I lacked courage.

I managed to hold the folder's hem. However, the door flew open as I was going to finally look at the results.

"Apologies for the delay." I retreated my hand back as I gave her a polite small smile in response to her widened one.

She was always that cheerful. I had known her since I was a little girl. She was our family doctor and her husband used to work with my father.

"How have you been?" She picked up the glass of water to drink. The question she asked me was subjective. In no way, I could have responded to her in one syllable. Ever since the recent changes in my life, I had always refrained from answering that question. Because lying would tear my soul apart and the truth was ghastly.

"You look pale. Is everything okay?" It was another question to which I had no reply. She placed the glass back and gave me a worried look. The answer to her question was going to be revealed after she would make a judgment post going over the reports.

"How did the conference go?" I changed the conversation's flow to suit my comfort.

"It was nice. Students were curious. You can guess it by the delay of my arrival here." The tapping of my finger shifted from the tabletop to my knee.

"You looked at the reports, then?" I shook my head. She straightened her frizzy hair and pulled her spectacles back. She flipped the reports around by pulling them onto her side.

I would rely on her for the reports whenever there was a medical issue in my family. I trusted her advice more than that of any other doctor. She would only repeat what was stated in the reports, but I had developed the habit of doing the same thing ever since my mom died.

My heart rate increased as she turned the pages. I breathed audibly and it could be heard clearly in the silent room. I noticed her expression sitting across from her in the cabin and tried to read her.

She was staring at the papers blankly and a faint frown began to form on her brow. Sweat Beads formed too, but I could not understand whether it was because of the hot weather or the reports as I was feeling hot too. I was expeditiously sweaty as well. I started rubbing my palms over the parallel trouser I was wearing. She abruptly lowered the AC's temperature and her demeanour soured. Since she opened the report, she hadn't once turned to look at me. It was getting arduous for me to just wait and do nothing. I could not take it anymore. Every passing second felt like a decade passing through me, and I was at the same spot waiting as if I was stuck in some kind of time loop. After a short while, she shut the folder and set it aside. She put her glasses back and looked up at me.

I was familiar with that expression—she had given it to me when my mother passed away, when Bhaiya had kidney stones, and when my dad had a heart attack—but this one was more severe and tinged with an odd combination of coldness and melancholy. I knew it was time for the answer to come out.

"You are pregnant."

I thought I heard her wrong or there could have been the probability of my reports being exchanged. I shook my head and grabbed the reports. Flipping the page, I saw my name written over it, and at the end, there was another term, "POSITIVE".

My world was shattered by those three words. That would have been the best news ever for some women, but I wasn't one of them. My world appeared to be ending. I lost all sense of sound and sensation as my thoughts went blank. I stood up while holding the table because my body had lost vitality. She was speaking, but all I could make out was the movement of her lips. All I could hear was a sharp ringing in my brain; everything else was silence. I felt lighter after taking a few steps away from the chair I was sitting on before. My body weight seemed like that of a feather. It felt as if the world swirled around me, as if everything and everyone I knew began to dissipate, as if I was being hauled somewhere else. I felt all of it intensely.

Before I knew it, I was lying straight on the floor and was pulled into a memory that was as fresh as a dawn's raw and natural scent.

******

FLASHBACK [ Two Months Back ]

******

"Here you go." He shoved the package across the table in my direction. He was not over twenty years old yet was involved in arms dealing. Perhaps life's drastic moves had him do such a dirty job at that naïve age, just like I was about to commit a dirty deed. But there was one major difference: my naivety was long lost, and it did not exist anymore.

I checked the gun after pulling it out from the packet. Although the model was outdated, I believed him when he said it still functioned excellently. I set the box of apples filled with cash on the table.

"Count fast. I am running late." I said, as I looked out at the hovering clouds.

"I trust you." It might be risky for him to put his trust in the woman he was working with for the first time. As time passed, the clouds grew darker. I hid the package inside the bag I was carrying and turned to go.

"Take this Umbrella. It will rain." He extended a wood-colored umbrella.

"Thanks, kid, but I don't need it. Also, don't put your trust in anyone you meet for the first time. You would never know who is deadly just by the first look."

I gave the tip I needed when I was younger. I had hoped the advice would have come to me at the right time, but there was no use weeping and pondering over spilled milk. When I stepped out of the half-constructed building, the drizzling had begun. The cab from earlier was waiting for me. I sat inside and told him about my next destination.

As the vehicle moved, I peered out the window. It was pouring cats and dogs, and I had the impression that doom was accompanying me. No, it was not for my ruination but for someone whose death was written on my hands.

My life has never been all glitz and riches. When I was a kid, my mother died suddenly. The only thing I could recall about her was how she appeared when she smiled. That was the only memory I had of hers. My father was murdered by the man who was his employee and his closest confidant. After Dad's death, that man raised me and my brother. Before we could know the truth, it was already too late. And my brother was sent to prison because apparently, the man who raised us both involved him in evil deeds. I was no saint, but I was spared that time. I received forgiveness from those who I had wronged and now I was paying the price for it.

My thoughts of my lethal past ceased when the car came to a halt. I could self-loath later because the task at my hand was deadly and salient. After paying the cash to the driver, I hopped out of the cab. Hurriedly, I went inside the motel and went straight to the first floor. I even encountered drunk men on my way who passed on lewd comments, but I could not afford to waste my rage on them.

The door of that cheap motel room was easy for me to unlock with the trick I had learned in my college days. As soon as I entered the room, I was ready for that filthy scene. I fished out my phone and started filming.

"Of fuck, baby. Yes, just like that." That filth of an asshole said as the naked woman on top of him rode him. The sound of the skin slapping against each other caused my ears to burn, and I felt like puking. The two were so engrossed in the deed that they did not even notice my presence.

Lusty bastards.

I finished filming the video and slammed the door shut behind me. The woman came to a halt and turned around. She saw me, and her face went pale. She was none other than my former secretary Linda, and the middle-aged man she was riding like a whore was my ex-business partner, Justin Rodriguez. Linda was engaged and Justin, who used to be my father's friend, was married. He even had three children.

I aimed my gun at Linda and in no time; she was on her knees, begging for her life.

"I... I did not do anything. He blackmailed me." It was weird to watch people betray those they trusted most under difficult circumstances. Just a gun and she was already beseeching and was trying to take herself out of the mess.

Conniving Bitch

"It didn't seem like that when you were getting spanked and moaning." Her face grew ashen as soon as I played the video.

"What a lovely surprise, Ms. Saxena." Now that Justin was wearing boxers, he smiled and gave me a seductive grin. I wanted to haul his eyes out, but I had to get something done first. I put my phone back in and took steps ahead.

"Why did you do it?" I pointed my gun at him. He had destroyed me in evil ways and I needed revenge along with what I lost.

"That's no toy to play with. You did not have to scare my whore, you could have joined us. Do you know how many years I had..." I had to put a stop to that dirty mouth of his, so I shot a bullet into his leg and Linda screamed. The silencer of the pistol was on and Linda's scream was not that much intensified, so I was carefree. Linda crawled to the farthest corner and wrapped herself in her clothes that had been on the floor earlier. She was shivering, but I wasn't worried about her. She could tremble or die. I did not give a filthy shit about it.

"I know how real this is. Did you feel it, Mr. Rodriguez? Did you feel the pain?" There was pain in his eyes, agony in his wailing as he lay on the floor, looking at the blood coming out of his calf, holding the wounded leg. I crouched down to his level, placed the weapon beneath his chin, and slyly muttered, "Now fucking tell me why."

Before Justin could even respond, I heard a siren, similar to that of a cops' vehicle, and later heard someone shouting, "Search every room."

I got alert, got up, and walked to the window where Linda was sitting, terrified as hell. I peered out and saw cops racing in. Something did not feel right. It seemed I was to be entangled in a muddle. Being seen with Justin that too a shot Justin and a gun in my hand would definitely put me in jeopardy.

"I'll be back for the answers. You two dare not mention it to anyone. Keep in mind that I have your footage."

I threatened them, then tucked the revolver away in my blazer's inside pocket and leaped out the window. The distance between the first floor and the ground was not too much, so it was convenient for me to jump. Thank goodness there were no CCTVs around. As soon as I got to the neighbouring cafe, I went into the bathroom, changed into some nice clothes, wore the makeup I was carrying, and then I strolled out. I threw my old clothing in the trash can outside the cafe and went to the club two blocks down the alley. It was a safe refuge. All I had to do was spend a few hours in that place and once the water cools down, I would have to leave for my place.

I placed my Martini order and started nagging my mind about what I should do next.

I was waiting for my drink when I felt someone tapping my shoulder. When I turned to face the person, I found a figure standing. His face was concealed in a mask. I perceived him to be an unfamiliar person until he removed the mask from his face.

Who would have known it was the night of the inception of my life's apocalypse?